No more Gorillas.

Something very very special about this piece of work.

Brilliant message, does make you totally stop and think.

Reusing ideas rocks!

Christmas cheer for Rapp London.

Lick it up Nigella!

This is simply brilliant, although it is rather rude, so if you don't like rude then don't watch it, it might hurt you.

I don't mind rude, so i watched it and was rewarded for not minding rude.

AKQA+

Amazing piece of work from AKQA.

I am actually feeling pretty low at the moment becasue this is so good.

I love good ideas, but at the moment, i hate brilliant ideas!

Gold star!

Fiona Phillips no more!

Crap morning TV will never be the same again.

Well, of course, Penny is still there to keep us entertained.

Well done Fiona, you were the epitome of GMTV.

We salute you! Well, i do.

Socket to me!

I love ideas.

And here is a good ideer. (Oh Richard, you really are too silly)

Sockets that hold you things, but in a super nice way.

I love ideas.

Thanks ideas.

Stormbirds!

This is totally sensational!!!!!!

Watch it now!!

I want more!!!!!!


Stormbirds from Michal Ocilka on Vimeo.

More here.

Murder Death Kill!

I'm not a big gamer i must admit, but i have always had computers and consoles and have always loved games, but i still wouldn't say i am a gamer. Alright?

Anyway, i have always loved a good shoot'em up.

Commando and Hungry Horace on the Spectrum 48.

Green Beret on the Commodore 64.

Moving on to Golden Eye on the N64 and Ghost Recon on the Xbox, amongst others.

But, i have now found something very special indeed.

Call of Duty 4.

I know it's not the latest one, and i know i am slow on the take up, but blimin heck, it is ferocious!!

I played it for an hour and a half last night and was shaking by the end of it.

It's incredible!

Bullets flying everywhere, people coming at you from all angles. The smoke, the grenades, the noise.

It's sensational!

I loved Ghost Recon, that was my favourite yet, but this, in the next month or 2, could be crowned the new King.

And, action!

I think i need some brandy!

Poor little Ash.

I never ever thought i would feel sorry for Ashley Cole, but i do.

For it would appear his darling Cheryl Tweedy is turning into Mike Jackson.

Although, i guess on the plus side Mike is used to playing ball games with boys so at least they will be able to go for a kickabout.

Well done The Sun, you have brighten my day again.

Navratiloda rubbish?

Have i missed Christmas?

Is it April the 1st?

Have you seen this?

Is that a printing error?

Has their been some kind of mistake?

Does that say 'Martina Navratilova auditions for Chicago role'?

Or does it actually say 'Martina Navratilova moves to Chicago and buys a Rolls'? and it is my eyes that are the problem?

Hope it is my error, i really do.

Cookie Crew!

Darling Danna made us Christmas Cookies!

Might i say that they are simply delightful and i suggest everyone makes some.

All you have to do is take 340 grams of soft butter. Add to that 2 and 3/4 cups of sugar, mix in 4 eggs, slowly stir in 3 and 3/4 cups of flour, add a teaspoon of salt, teaspoon of vanilla and a teaspoon of baking powder.

Refrigerate over night, then roll out on a well floured surface, cut into shapes, then cook for 5 and 8 minutes at 200 degrees C.

Then decorate them little beauties!

I wish i was gaining respect with a cool British dialect.

Thanks everyone involved.

Coined it in!

Back in September i set a little competition to see who could be the first person to collect the entire set of new coins that have been released.

Well, as you can see from the above, and also here, Clive 'money maker' Murray has done it.

Completed the task!

Won the competition!

Clive wins £1.98!

Bravo!

Encore!

Balisimo!

-----------------------------------------

And look, more news, Peter has also completed the task.

Peter also wins £1.98, well done Peter.

That stinks!

Obviously we have all sniffed Britney, i'm sure I have at some point even had a niff of Kylie, and the other day whilst driving through my local estate I am sure I even smelt traces of Jay Lo, she’s from the block you see.

But if you look carefully in the distance of that very estate, there, by Spar, that’s it, passed the burnout Fiesta; you will see a big bandwagon rolling through, and perched high on top our Usher, Ewan and Sean. And look, they have sacks full of cheap smelling aftershave.

Now, how does this work? Who buys it?

I understand when Brit and Jenny do it. Little girls want to smell like their dancey idols.

But Diddy and Ewan?

I'm not sure.

Would you buy 'Scent of Usher' for your little boy to pop on his collar?

Would a girlfriend really purchase Ewan for their boyfriend?

I'm not sure.

I guess, in all honesty tho these would work really nicely alongside a Lizzy Duke gold bracelet, an Argos ‘2 Pac’ would perhaps work well.

I think this market works when it is older celebrities.

Who wouldn't want their husband to smell like Des O'Connor?

Eau de'Connor.

Oh dear.

Xbox idiots!

I am still very much loving these ads for the Xbox. They rock a good one!

But have you seen the terrible continuity error on this one?

Watch. The Dad starts on the left of the kid, then, after spinning 180° behind he is on the right of the kid. Shambles!

What a terrible thing not to have spotted.

But well done anyway, i like your adverts, they are nice.

Notographs!

Just stumbled on this chaps site.

He has been to some smashing places and has taken some smashing photos documenting those smashing places.

Well worth a look if like me you are into nature and photographs.

Infact, as of today, notographs are beautiful photos of nature.

I like notographs!

Bleed the world!

'The only thing they'll get this year is fired'

If you want to help them then please do.

Kaleidoscope of gold!

Best use of animals ever! Especially mice.

Well, apart from this of course.

Happy Meals!

More of this please!

Maccy D, get creative, stop just lobbing toys in boxes to sell more burgers!

A world without Woolies!

I am finding it hard to come to terms with the fact that Woolworths might not be there in 2009.

It is one of those names that should be on the high street.

Woolworths, WHSmith, Halfords, all of these shops i have grown up with, they have given me so much.

The excitement of going into Woolworths to look at toys, popping in to see if they had the latest Star Wars figures, this is something that is not going to be passed down to my kids, and for that i am sad.

And to think it won't get a telegram from the Queen! It's 99 years old for heavens sake!

I think we should all club together, lob in a tenner and own it ourselves!

Come on people! Together we can win!

I can hear Tescos laughing as Woolworths takes it's last breath.

'Die'


'DIE'

Smoking mittens.

Even tho i don't smoke my feeling is this is a very good idea, although stopping smoking is probably a better idea of course, then you wouldn't have to have smoking mittens.

Have a look at some of the other magic things on the site.

Well done Suck, you obviously don't suck! Are you from the West Country?

How rude!

Yeah, feck off will you!

Officaly you have not been offended in anyway by me using that term.

If you have, feck off!

Harold Lloyd Vader.

Star Wars for the old people amongst us.

Thanks Rubbish

Spy baby!

This is something very good indeed.

A camera lens that shoots at a 90 degree angle.

That is just good, plain good.

Congratulations good you are good.

Give'm the finga!

What would we do without our fingers?

Well, indeed, you couldn't do this, or this...

Oh, or this.

I think we should have a 'National Fingers Day' where we spend a 24 hour period celebrating our little sausage friends.

Infact, i am hereby announcing 'National Fingers Day' will be the 2nd of April. It will even have it's own salute. In a Phones-4-U style way you first do the V's, then put up the other 2 fingers shortly after.

Well done fingers, without you i couldn't have typed any of this.

It's Christmas people, rejoice!

I have been bitten by Christmas very early this year.

I picked myself up a chinsey Christmas candle holder with with flickering candle bulbs.

Sister got me my advent calendar, ok, it was a bit late.

Tree on the way this weekend.

Present purchase has started.

And now i am sitting here listening to 'Simply Christmas Crooners' which Darling Danna purchased for our office.

I don't think it would be Christmas without some proper 40's sounding music.

So, Ladies and gentlemen i give you, Judy Garland.

Ain't she just lovely.

Harry Belafonte has just kicked in, all i can see is little children sitting around fires with jumpers and smiles on.

Let's go Christmas, wind it up.

Stop! Hammond time!

It has only recently come to my attention that when i am in my car i am awfully nosey!

I don't know if you do it too, but whenever i drive past someone, or someone drives past me (this is very rare as obviously i am very hard and drive at 100mph) i always look and see who is driving.

Do they have gloves on?

Are they close to the steering wheel?

Are they incredibly attractive? (Male or Female)

Are they incredibly ugly? (Male or Female)

You know, i am just very nosey.

Anyway, this morning, a Porsche 911 went past me, doing at least 90 miles per hour i should add, and i did my general nosey look, and who should i see, but Diddy Richard Hammond.

There he was, looking back.

Anyway, i felt the need to follow him for a while as if we were mates in a convoy, one point i even waved at him, he smiled back.

Luckily he ended up going into the services, otherwise i fear i would have just followed him wherever he was going and would probably have been arrested for stalking or something similar.

Thanks Richard, i enjoyed our time together, it was special.

I can't move on!

I can't stop listening to 80's music!

It is soooooo much better than any music around now.

If you happen to know me you will be well aware that i cannot stand any of the bands that have come out in the last 5 or 6 years.

The Kings of Leon and Arcade Fire are the 2 perched high on the list, closely followed by The Editors, The Datsuns, The Decemberists, The Swimming Pools, The Colonics, The Craps, The Shins, The Thermals, The Hives, The Von Bondies, The Constantines, The Hives, The Idiots, The Mountain Goats, The Zutons, The Kooks, The Kocks, The Vandals, The Stills and the The Thrills, not to mention The New Amsterdams, The Sea and Cake, The Raveonettes, The Early November, The Replacements, or The Black Key.

I do admit alot of the 80's sounded very similar, but the tunes were so much richer, there appeared to be more consideration given to the actual tune. It wasn't just 2 guitars, a drummer and a singer belting out a 3 and a half minute song with 3 verses and a chorous. There was melody, charm, sophistication.

Jones, Kershaw, 17, 42, Hollywood, League, Ha!

All of them giving us a mass of brilliant records.

I keep wondering why The Editors, The Datsuns, The Decemberists, The Swimming Pools, The Colonics, The Craps, The Shins, The Thermals, The Hives, The Von Bondies, The Constantines, The Hives, The Idiots, The Mountain Goats, The Zutons, The Kooks, The Vandals, The Stills, The Thrills, The New Amsterdams, The Sea and Cake, The Raveonettes, The Early November, The Replacements, and The Black Key don't realise this and start writing a few tunes that hark back to that era, they would sell like hot cakes, or Rubix Cubes. Instead they all just keep pumping out the same old cack.

Well done the 80's, you were better than i thought you were.

I still can't beleive what happened to Nik Kershaw. Jail can't have been good for him.

Still, forgive and forget.

Very super Mario.

Glorious and good.

Thanks Playfool.

West Country is best!

I was grown in the top field, just behind the copse of cedars.

Clever bunch of people from the East made it. I can only pressume they are from the West.

Beigel Bake!

We went to this last night, it was rubbish.

Anyway, we ended up blagging our way into the press night at this design show and pilfered as much red wine as we could, and of course, after drinking you end up very hungry.

And here the magic began!

For we made our way to Beigel Bake.

Good lord!

You honestly haven't tasted bagels until you have been here.

They are astonishing!

Hot salt beef with mustard! It is ridiculous!

For the people who have tried it, why the hell didn't you tell me about them?

For the people who have not tried it, your life will not be complete until you do.

Thank you Beigel Bake and everyone who works there. Especially the lady who served me with the incredible eye shadow, i think you were an angel, although i am not totally sure.

Gold!

Only last month i was telling you all how a site i did got a Campagin Big Award and that it had gone and got some more 'Silver'ware.

Well, it has gone and got some gold coloured 'Silver'ware.

And speaking of Eurobest!

Av it!

Sellotape PR stunt?

Did you read about this?

This chaps finds £10,000 all cut up in a bin.

He hands it in to the Feds.

The Feds wait 6 months, then give it back.

The man now has £10,000 cut into small pieces.

Apparently if he sticks it all back together he can exchange the chopped up money for new unchopped up money.

Imagine that! A puzzle that is well worth completing.

Soon this will be the sort of stunt that a brand will do to get some column inches.

Great!

The so it begins.

The Four Pint Club opened it's door last night to record crowds.

Admittedly there were a few teething problems, Peter and Matthew, 2 of TFPC keenest disciples ended up in The Green Man when they were supposed to end up in The Green Man.

There was the issue of people turning up at different times, but this problem was soon ironed out when people took it upon themselves to either slow down or speed up their four pint consumption.

It was wonderful to watch the camaraderie of the club - Generally when people leave after four pints they would be sent off with shouts of 'lightweight' or 'you bender' - not my choice, but I have heard it said. At TFPC people were sent off with a standing ovation, a spectacle to behold, a sneak into the future of drinking perhaps?

All in all The Four Pint Club was an incredible success, credit crunch drinking at it's best.

Talk of The Four Pint Club Christmas Special has already been debated. I've heard from Noel Edmond's this morning, he has already expressed an interest in attending.

The Four Pint Club - Continue as you were.

Lordy Gordy.

Oh thank you Gordon, for you are making me very very happy indeed, of course with The Suns help.

Good show people who work for The Sun.

Rugger buggers!

World!

I am very very excited today.

For tomorrow night i will be watching my cousins boy, Nick Koster (my second cousin) run out for the Barbarians against Australia at Wembley Stadium!

The Barbarians always choose a player who has no international caps, although he will have them soon, and they picked Nick. How do you like that!

He is going to be playing along side some total legends too, Richie McCaw, Bryan Habana, even little Shane Williams. Unfortunately George Gregan is also playing, and we don't like him. I have had a word with Nick and asked him to put itching powder in his jock strap, i didn't really George, if you are reading this, which i am sure you aren't, but if you are, i may as well make the most of it, you are a twurp!

Anyway, go Nick, a proud proud day for the Cullip family!

What a delight.

Watch this, it is good.

Read The Onion, it is good.

Well done Poke, it is good.

Pinch and a punch...

...it's the 1st of the month! (and no returns!)

Do you know why we say this on days such as this?

Well, years ago people thought that witches were like real, infact, there still are some real witches* around.

Anyway, people thought that salt would make a witch weak, so the pinch part of it is actually a pinch of the salt, and the punch part was to banish the witch cause obviously the witch would have been weakened by the salt.

So their it is.

I'm actually surprised that the government hasn't tried to ban this saying.

If you went out and decked someone today because you don't like them, could you use this saying as a reason in court?

I wonder.

Can someone try out my theory please, but don't punch me, I'd cry.

* She is obviously a witch as she has made everyone believe that this is a good song when it is obviously an awful pile of tripe.

Theroux the keyhole.

Great British public, did you happen to see Louis Theroux on the Beeb last night, he was in Philadelphia, or Kiladelphia as the local children called it?

He was hanging with the local bobbies and the drug enforcement chaps going around the streets chatting to the hoodwinks.

Anyway, there he was, all togged up, bulletproof, and what did he have sticking out the top of his Kevlar vest?

A scarf!

And how was the scarf tied?

It was obviously tied as no man on earth should tie it!

What was he thinking?

As if a bulletproof vest wasn't enough of a fashion faux pas, oh Louis!

Oddly enough, Tank - Baby T, and I - Ricky Dee, were in Philly 3 weeks ago, strange you didn't see us as we were hanging with the homes scoring some crack whilst getting proper tooled up with a few guns and things yeah.

Honest.

I'm a right gangster.

Are you manizzle ma'fizzle? Are you? If so, could you stop please as it is making my inner thigh itch like crazy!

Thanks.

Can i av some flib flobs please?

Have you heard about this?

Torquay are going to start giving out Flip-Flops to girls who are so lashed they can't walk home in their heels.

I can't quite beleive that.

Torquay are going to start giving out Flip-Flops to girls who are so lashed they can't walk home in their heels?

What an awful waste of our money.

I can't wait to see the first You Tube clip of a couple of birds having a fight with them. Flip Flop Slapping! Infact, i think 30 grand is money well spent from that point of view.

What they should have done is spent the money on donkeys with Sat Nav.

You get 500 donkeys that know where they are going. The women wear their postcodes around their wrist, and at the end of the evening the women are put on donkeys and the postcode is typed in, they arrive home, the donkey bucks them off and return to the city centres ready for the next passenger. Much better idea that. Ass Taxis, thats whats needed.

I can see a whole range of night time products.

Next up, free boxing gloves so the chaps don't hurt their fists whilst they scrap.

Ridiculous.

Tiny things this man hates

My dear friend Adam said to be last night 'Look at this blog, it is very funny, you will like it.'

Adam was indeed correct.

I looked at this blog and it is very funny and i did like it.

I especially liked this.

'#0111. THE WAY THE MAN ON THE TRAIN LAST NIGHT HAD TO GET EVERY LAST MORSEL FROM HIS GAY LITTLE TRIFLE.'



You should have a read, you will find something that will make you laugh, perhaps out loud, but not LOL as we don't like LOL, LOL is horrible and should be removed from the earth.

LOL, get lost!

Had a Seizure

This is awesome!

This dude Roger Hiorns created Seizure by pumping 75,000 litres of copper sulphate solution into a south London flat to create crystalline growths on the walls, floor and ceiling, even the bath turned blue.

Imagine getting back from the pub of an evening, perhaps after The Four Pint Club, and finding out that your house has turned into the Bat cave!

Thanks Rog, you are great.

A polite request.

Dear world,

Can you please please please stop wearing your scarf like the above.

It would appear alot of you girls have, well done.

A note to all you boys still doing it. You look stupid, you all look the same, you are not cool.

Thanks in advance.


Richard

Yo whaddup Bangs?

'My desktop is the best top'

Good work Sniper Twins!

Thanks

M.I.A can'ta getta nuff.

I still believe that the use of the gunshot in this track is one of the most creative things i have ever heard.

Better than Elvis, better than The Stones, even better than Candy Flip!

Four Pint Club in full effect!

Lord i was drunk!

And i'd only had 4 pints.

Goody hoody!

Check these out!

Totally awesome jumpers with hoods.

Bluewater will be thrilled and delighted.

Splendid find Kat.

Fingers are good.

Lovells - Skate film from beardlord on Vimeo.

Russell just made a little film for the Bondi Short Film Festival, check it out, nice yeah?

And then check this.

That is well bo!

Ramsey's treat!

Ramsey being caught with his pants down has enabled The Sun to create more magic.

Well done sun.

Where did it all go wrong?

Hungry Horace, where did you go?

Come back.

Drinking 2.0.

Ladies and Gentlemen,

I have something to share with you, something clever, something now - Say hello to The Four Pint Club.

The Four Pint Club is a new initiative brought to you by Richard Hale of Surbiton 'Britain's Negative Equity Hot spot'.

The Four Pint Club is an alternative to going out and getting cocked.

Think of it as the posh Brother, where you simply meet friends and enjoy 4 pints of fine ale before adjourning to your homestead.

It is all about appreciating beer, not just dropping it down your neck because you can, and because of The Four Pint Club, you will have a massive urge not to purchase a shit kebab on the way home.

And, it comes with a 'guaranteed' no hangover policy.*

So ladies and gentlemen, welcome to The Four Pint Club.

Come in, have a look around, i can promise you will enjoy it.

Shall we go to The Four Pint Club tonight chaps, yes, i'll meet you there.

*Should you experience a hangover after The Four Pint Club, you are a right girl and should probably consider joining The Two Pint Club. (said really fast like in them American ads)

Britneil Spears.

'Mother kills son in gag gone wrong shocker'

Total Rubbish!

Second best again!

Only last month i was telling you all how a site i did got a Campagin Big Award.

Well, its gone and got some more 'Silver'ware.

And check out this lady! She is right Ocsar!

Try harder Richard, B+.

You are my sunshine.

So there i was, 4.30am Saturday morning, woke up, had a wee, went back to bed, couldn't sleep, got bored, got up, showered, got in car, drove to Brighton, parked car, got blanket, lay on Brighton beach watching the sun come up, sun came up, bacon sarnie and cup of tea, in car, home.

It was just simply delightful.

Go do it next weekend, you will be rewarded.

Story time gone bad!

The internet is generally a brilliant thing.

I like it.

I like it alot.

But, sometimes it is nasty and horrible.

Like now!

You can now read your little ones a bedtime story from a webcam anywhere in the world, or, from your office, because you can't be arsed to get home and see the little ones, because you are lazy, and because work is more important than your kids.

I mean, i'd like nothing more than sitting my kid infront of the computer at bedtime, laptop on bed, that's teaching them good things hey? Books are bad aren't they!? Terrible things! Nasty things!

At this moment, i hate the internet, oh, no, no, like it again now.

Swanning around.

Anyone seen this?

It looks like it would be amazing to immerse yourself in, but not sure it is going to make a good game.

The music and visuals are well dark and sinister, yet the stupid noise the gun makes shooting the paint kind of ruins it.

It's Oman meets Tubby bye-byes.

Rotten Apples.

The studio have had a new delivery of Macintosh computers.

I really love their new honesty policy when it comes to naming their products.

Smoke it!

I wake up in the morning.

Have some breakfast - Bowl of Fruit and Fibre usually.

I have a shower.

Pull on my strides.

Pick up my bag.

Open the door.

Breathe in the beautiful fresh Surrey air. Smile inward and outward.

Start my walk to the station. Still smiling in and out.

Pass the glorious little park full of beautiful trees and plants that smell wonderful.

Walk past the little church.

Then, get stuck behind some dirty chuffing women smoking a fag.

I stop smiling.

I cross the road and avoid her stinking wake.

I walk some more.

Then start smiling again.

So, here is the idea.

Smoking lanes!



On certain roads across the land, smokers have designated areas where they walk if they are smoking, that way us smoker haters don't need to get anywhere close to the stink of death.

I am going to lobby my local MP.

Come on Eddie, get it goin on will ya.

Joey Baggins!

Like well funny yeah.

Thanks

Have you noticed?

I'm not sure if you have, but there are some really good tele advertisements at the moment.

Advertisements that aren't stupid and pointless.

Advertisements that are relevant to the product they are advertising.

For example, the new Argos advertisement is somewhat super.

Have you seen it?

Now isn't that good.

And, whilst you are here, the new 02 advertisement is good too, apart from Bean saying 'pry-or-a-te'.

I am starting to like advertisingment again.

Panpipe down!

I never ever liked Incantation. All that pan pipe nonsense didn't really appeal. And, speaking of Incantation, how can this happen!

Imagine getting tickets to Incantation, nice melodic amazonian panpipe masters, and ending up at Incantation, death metals new breed who enjoy nothing more than 'Christening The Afterbirth'.

Anyway, i was browsing Peter's blog and i saw this.

Isn't it splendid.

Although, i don't like Panpipes and i don't like Apple, so, i really should not like this in anyway, but i do.

Well done everyone.

Well done panpipes.

Well done Apple.

Don't be like that...

...i know it's been a while, I've missed you.

I'm sorry i didn't write, it's just i was enjoying myself away from my desk.

I did have fun, but i know you don't want to hear that, i wasn't here when you needed me.

Anyway, can we get through this? Can we fix the problem? I hope so, because i really like you, i do, honestly.

Look, i even bought you a present.

Isn't it lovely?

His name is Homotrooper, i think he is sweet, like you.

Anyway, i really hope this makes up for me not being here, you know what you mean to me don't you? And i know gifts are a cheap way of saying sorry, so perhaps i should keep Homotrooper.

Without you i am nothing.

Old things and laughing.

I went to Laughter @ Late last night at The Musuem of London.

They are ace events where comedians do their shows amongst the exhibitions at the museum.

It is very super.

I saw Richard Herring do some of his show a couple of months ago, it was jolly good.

Last night tho, it was all about Josie Long.

She is awesome, and only 26!



Go and see her, she is very funny indeed, very natural.

Thanks Josie, thanks alot.

FHMazing!

Check this out!

The front cover of FHM this month has a big boobed lady on it!

- Richard, you need to wise up, FHM always has big boobed birds on the front cover.

Yes yes, but this month, the BBB is sticking out! Like in 3D.

Its brilliant.

Go and have a look down your local WHSmiths.

And, for you information, someone at work purchased it.

Me? Me? I'd never lower myself to buy such tat, although i do love a good tit!

Tiger would!

More Tiger magic!

Is it real?

Awesome work!

'I hate you'

Not necessarily a fan of Jerry Seinfeld, but this is very funny indeed.


Well done everyone involved.

Email is ruining comedy!

First Brand and now Clarkson!

Poor old Beeb is getting a hammering at the moment.

And it is only because now it is so easy to complain.

What ever happened to Points of View where you had to write a letter of worthwhile content, get a stamp, lick an envelope and then walk 3 miles to a Post Box, probably getting attacked on the way their.

Now, as we saw with Brand & Ross, people are online reading about it, quickly opening up their email, typing 'i agree with them' and then pressing send.

Complaining is an art, that you should take time over.

30,000 people didn't complain, they jumped on the brandwagon and just said 'me too'.

'me too'

See how easy it is.

...and i bet they had no idea what they were complaning about.

Rudy leaves!

I love autumn.

Infact I love every season. But, I love autumn.

The frosty mornings.

The cold evenings.

Seeing yourself breathing.

The crisp blue sky.

Kicking your way through piles of burnt orange leaves.

Oh, no no no Richard, not in Surbiton '2nd only to New York as the place to be seen this autumn'.

The council have taken upon themselves to clear up all the leaves more or less as they fall.

Now, I pay my council tax, and am very happy that they are spending money cleaning up where I live, but don't take the leaves.

The place looks odd.

The trees are naked, as are the pavements.

It doesn't feel autumnal.

Will they take the snow in winter, remove the daff's in spring. I can see the sign welcoming you to Surbiton.

'Welcome to Surbiton. Keeping the season a secret'.

Ken from Kingston council, if you are reading this, please stop taking our leaves, they are happy in Surbiton '2nd only to New York as the place to be seen this autumn' keeping hedgehogs warm and dry.

Perhaps leaves are big on the black market and these people are leaf rustlers thieving our quality leaves.

That's me done.

Ze Germans!

What have the Germans ever done for us?

Well it would appear Timo Glock of Lindenfels, Germany moved over so that our dear Lewis Hamilton could win the F1 Championship.

Thanks Timo, you are a very nice German man, although i imagine Felipe (who was incredible gracious in defeat) really wants to duff you up like big style.

I think Timo Should win BBC's Sports Personality of the Year, although i am sure that will go to Zara Phillips again as she is packed full of sports personality.

Yours,

Pessimistic of Surbiton.

Oh yes, and well done Lewis Hamilton, i'm not a fan of F1, but i am a fan of your skills and things.

Bravo.

Hol'land of the giants.

A giant Lego man has been washed up on the beach at Brighton.

Wonder if he fell off a big Lego boat, i do hope so!

That's it, all done.

Good morning future.

This is proper, right proper.

It is using your phone as an overlay to the world around you.



Point it at a poster and it can tell you more.

Point it at food on the shelf and it can tell you the calories inside or give you recipe ideas.

Point it at a CD and it can give you a discography of that artist.

The future is arriving, and i don't think it is Orange, it's like normal colours.

Thanks Rubbishcorp

Ante Meridiem and Post Meridiem.

Why do digital watches and mobiles feel they have to tell you it is AM and PM?

Unless you live in a sealed room you can tell which 5.56 it is by the time of day, or indeed where you are and what you are doing.

If I am asleep at 5.56 I would know it is in the morning, AM.

If I am about to leave work, I would know it is the evening, PM.

If you are going to be using alarms and things then use the 24hr functionality, but watches, mobiles and computers, I am cleverer than you (that's debatable) and I don't need you to be telling me it is AM or PM.

Just back off.

P.S. Do you know why all watches are always 10 past 10 - or Argos o'clock as i call it, when displayed? It is becasue it looks like a smile. You can also use 10 to 2.

The Darkside of Auntie!

Again, the Beeb are championing top choice TV.

The Dark Side of Fame with Piers Morgan last night chatted to Chanetelle Houghton, who shot to fame when she won Celebrity Big Brother in 2006. Apparently the exchange was poignant and a touching lesson about the pitfalls of fleeting fame.

Poignant you say? Did you see it? She started to cry a bit when she couldn't really work out the words that were supposed to be coming out of her mouth.

Infact, she probably thinks 'Poignant' are a finalist on X-Factor. A 3 piece brother and sister outfit from Leeds who do covers of Gene Pitney's classics.

I ask you, it really was awful. I am sure when he spoke to Tracey Emin and Jay Don it was rahter more interesting as they have lived lives full of good and bad stuff, but come on.....at least Jade Goody said 'ooh everybody can see my badly stuffed kebab' she deserves her millions.

Come on BBC, sort it out will you.

No time for suffering, oh no!

Good to see the London Lite, London's second worse free paper, being considerate to the feelings of others.

'Can you spot five differences in these pictures of singer Jennifer Hudson' they ask?

No no no, don't worry that 3 of her family members have just been murdered, no no no.

I guess this shows how on the pulse these pathetic papers are.

Idiots. Total idiots.

Tip of the day.

(Fig. A)

When standing at a busy bar trying to get the attention of the barwomen/man, always fold the note in half as seen in Fig. A and hold it out between thumb and index finger.

This makes you far more visable to the aforementioned barwomen/man and also makes you feel like a true high roller.

Try this technique next time you are in a busy bar, it really works.

Oh, I should probably mention there is one awful bi-product.

To most of the other people around you you will appear like a total cock, but i think that is a small price to pay.

How much?

I have just seen this...

In case you can't see that is Moira Stuart sitting happily in the 'O' of Oct.

Now, 3 things;

1. What is the relevance between Moira and Paper Tax Returns?
2. How more effective was the ad because of Moira's inclusion? (i paid more attention)
3. Who is the cheapest celeb, news reader, pointless idiot, and what is the minimum you could pay to have them appear in your ad?

'Moria, we have had a call from HM Revenue and Customs and they are willing to give you 20 quids worth of Marks vouchers for you to appear in a couple of ads, it looks like an awesome opportunity'

'Where do i sign?' (said in that awful mono-tone style that only Moira can do)

Terrorism for Beginners.

I stumbled upon this on Saturday whilst wandering the streets of Winchester, luckily it didn't go off.

I wonder if you can get them on Amazon?

People who bought this also purchased 10Kgs of Semtex.

Lost and Found.

I went to Winchester this weekend to see my dear dear dear friend Barney.

We went into Winchester on Saturday and drank some things and ate some things, which was lovely and things.

On walking to a place to drink some things we stumbled on this shop.



The shop windows were covered in little plastic bags. In each bag was something that had been found in the streets and lanes of Winchester, then on the other window there was a map showing the locations where the things were found.



It really was very lovely indeed.

It was a bit like a real website.

Well done whoever did it.

Tiger v Jesus.

Only just seen this. (First seen on lovely Hurstys site)

Brilliant.

A chap found a glitch in the game that allowed Tiger to walk on water.

EA obviously saw this, and acted upon it.

This is the future of communications!

This is how brands should be, having conversations.

And talking of Campaign Big Awards. A site i worked on got Silver!

'Is Silver all you've got Hale?'

I'm melting, i'm melting!

This is wonderful.

Known as Monumento Minimo, Brazilian artist Nele Azevedo makes 1000 of little ice people and sits them in city centres and just lets them melt away to nothing.

Very lovely, although rather sad at the same time as they just waste away, without a trace.

N-ice work mate, n-ice!

Ice ice baby!

A couple of weeks ago, dear friend Peter pointed out to me how good the captions in Shortlist magazine are.

So, here, i wish to again point out how good the captions in Shortlist magazine are.

Look how good the captions are in Shortlist magazine.



Thanks Shortlist and the people who work there.

Button it!

Tell me this. Why can't you un-press a floor button in a lift?

On several occasions recently i have got into the lift at work and pressed the 2 button rather than the 3 button.

You should simply be able to press the 2 button again and the light goes off meaning that the lift won't stop at floor 2.

Surely we can have buttons that do this?

Can't we?