I love your hair!

Today at the train station I heard two live men discussing hair straighteners.

The one gentleman appeared to be having some trouble with his as he would straighten his hair, look in the mirror and find that his hair was pointing in all different directions. I could sense that he was blaming his tools as he explained them as 'fucking rubbish' as 'they were from Argos'.

I really felt for him, as he also preferred the hair of the other gentleman.

I will try and find them again soon and can only hope that he has purchased some new ones, perhaps his birthday is on the way.

'Dad, can you get me a new pair of hair sraighteners?'

...The mans casue of death appeared to be a pair of hair straighteners inserted forcfully into his rectum...

Thanks.

Forgotten brilliance!

Hon-duh!

Please please please can we stop all these awful international TV ads. Haven't we had enough!

The new Honda ad has an idea that could have been for any brand.

You can so spot the post-rationalisation of the idea. Lets just stick a strap line on the sums up the idea.

Dave - 'Chaps, lets make one of those big 3D puzzles and lets do something with Rubix Cubes'

Mike - 'But Dave, it has nothing to do with Honda or what Honda stand for?'

Mike - 'As long as we mention solving and playgrounds in the strapline Mike we will be fine'

Please please, lets move on.

Ahhhhhhhhhh, I'm happy now!

No, no i'm not, i just remembered this!!

What the f*&k are they thinking!! Terrible pile of shite!! Tell me, again, by putting the strap line 'Beautifully arranged' makes it alright does it? Does it?

Tell me a relevant story! Even the new Stella ad is a let down, and they have done some of the best ads ever.

Fuss on the bus.

Well there i was, sitting on the bus the other day, happy that there were no youth's at the back to antagonise with their wonderful R&B tunes, then, from the front, loud music!

I span around trying to find the source. It couldn't have been the pensioners chatting about chips. No way was it the mid forties couple not talking. Of course, there is no heavenly chance that it would have been the 3 angelic teenage girls with their back combed hair, large sunglasses and Kings Road postcode. I looked again! It was! It was the 3 angelic teenage girls with their back combed hair, large sunglasses and Kings Road postcode.

I very much wanted to go and tell them to shut up as i didn't think they would stick me one. Then i thought they might actually stab me with their riding wip or smack me with their croquet mallet, so sat in my seat in fear of what might happen if i approached.

Then it got me thinking?

Which is worse. A gang of school kids who don't know better, or a gaggle of well brought up girls who were spoon fed caviar as nippers? I'd go for the later.

Anyway, they got off soon after i joined the bus so my fear was short lived.

Thank heavens.

What has happened here?

I just saw this.

What has happened, why has this occured? Is it extraterrestrial? I don't understand? Do you? I don't!

If you had sat and consumed this amount of booze you would certainly have a 'Champain' in your head.

Get off, leave me alone.

The longest banananana ever?

I picked this out of the fruit bowl at work this morning.

I have never seen anything like it!

It is 30cm's long and has a circumference of 13cm's!

I am so terrified of it i have not been able to eat it.

Have you seen one bigger?

And that is a normal size pencil in the background, not some clever dwarf made to look small stunt pencil.

Incredible!

Cloverfields of gold!

I was lucky enough to be offered a free ticket to see Cloverfield.

Generally I don't turn down anything that is free. Fresh air, breathing, a bath, all free, and all things I rather enjoy, so I thought I would take up the free offer and pop along for a look. And might I say, I am glad I did take up the offer of seeing Cloverfield for free as I rather enjoyed it, even if I did spend half the film with my headphones in as the sound was SO FECKIN LOUD.

You get dropped into this bunch of peoples lives as the entire film is shot through the lens of someones Camcorder but there are no Witches and no Blairs, not even Leo. I must say, it was a bit like a long clip that you would see on You've Been Framed, god rest his soul.

And so there it starts. You are at a party in someones Manhatten flat when all hell breaks lose in NYC. Things blow up, head get ripped off, it goes dark, buildings collapse, people scream, aliens attack, guns fire, people scream, helicopter helicopt, bridges get destroyed, people get rescued, some people die, tanks get trodden on, little aliens bite, people get eaten, planes bomb, sirens scream, love get involved, familys mourn, people get impregnanted, and then he film ends. Simple as that.

It was actually really nice to have a film that didn't have a big story to get lost in. There was no start, middle, end. There weren't lots of characters to annoy you. There were no morals dished out like on He-Man. It was just a big slice of filty Sci Fi nonsense.

And thanks very much Mr J.J. Abrams, you have answered a question I have had going through my mind for ages - I wonder what would happen if a big lizard like alien suddenly took a dislike to New York and everyone in New York? Now I know.

NYC'ya!