Worst ever?

I saw this this morning on a very free paper.

Is this the worst headline ever? It is so lazy! If they had won 34 nil then maybe they could use this line.

It's like they used some simple generator written by a South Korean chap.

SUBJECT = MICHAEL

POSSIBLE HEADLINES = TAKE THE MICHAEL. TAKING THE MIKEY.

Rubbish Metro!

Rubbish!

Its rubbish!

I have found another new phenomenon that is sweeping the middle class.

Polite littering!

They sit there with their Starbucks coffee cups waiting for that moment to slowly put it down at their feet. They eat their bacon sandwich then very very carefully put the rubbish under a seat.

Keep your eye open for them, they live amongst us. Idiots.

Gym Robinson

I had a magic idea!

Open up a set of Gyms named after famous Jims.

So, we would have a Gym Robinson, where, in a certain area they would play old repeats of Neighbours.

Gym Morrison would have a little spot where you workout to The Doors.

Gym Broadbent would play films obviously starring 'The Broadbent'

Gym Henson would play lots of Muppets and we might even theme the staff.

Gym Davidson would be for the old and the young.

Anyway, i think you get the idea.

And the best bit about these gyms is that when ringing the main call centre to try and speak to you local gym, the conversation would be something like.

'Hello how can i help you today'

'Hi, could you put me through to Gym Robinson please, i have a query about chest pains'

Now ain't that just fine.

Win win winchester!

I was in Winchester again at the weekend visiting a dear dear friend of mine and several brilliant things happened which i thought i would tell you about.

So, we went to this lovely little pub in the afternoon, its more a bar, than a pub. It has lovely clientele, lovely fine wine, lovely decor, lovely toilets, and lovely bar games. We decided to play hangman, and i feel our first game...

...totally ruined the entire ambinece of the establishment.

Anyway, we were in the bar and we heard lots of Santa's approaching. On turning around we saw that christmas hadn't infact come early, it was a fleet of Morris's. They even came with their own jugs to have booze in. Anyway, Barney and i were discussing the point of the Morris's dancing, and it was only when we stepped outside that there true potential came to light. Being a Morris enables you to have your photo taken with rather attractive ladies. Bravo Morris's!

So we drank more and obviously ended up at curry o'clock and i ordered a curry light, being a total girl who can't handle the heat. During the eating ceremony it soon dawned on me that this was a super hot curry i was attemping to finish. It wasn't until i got the bill that the obvious break down in communication came to light.

Anyway, i recommend a trip to Winchester and if required i can put you a 'mad hot' pub crawl together.

Thwinchester!

Photoshop Freddie

Did you know that Freddie Mercury designed The Queen logo? I didn't!

The 'crest' features the band's star signs - two fairies for Virgo, a crab for Cancer and two lions for the two Leos.

Deacon, Taylor and May must have been rather surprised when Freddie got his iBook out and showed them what he had Mac'd up.

I also enjoy the fact that Freddie, being Virgo, choose to use 2 fairies to represent the star sign. Google says the other fairy was a young George Michael. Well i never did.

I am the invisible man, aiiiiiiiii.

StrutterStrutter

There is no better thing in the world than sticking 2 very good ideas together to make something even more better and good.

Here, they have taken Mike Strutter and Sat Nav and created this...

Mike Strutter shouts offensive commands to you all the way home. It is simply a delight.

Get it here if you want it.

Up a gum tree

I picked up a paper on the train this morning and started to read this story of an Aussie bloke who had gone into the outback and ended up climbing up a tree to escape from a croc nest.

Anyway, he was up the tree for 7 days trying to avoid the big gobbed chaps below.

He did very well and survived to get his work published.

Whilst up the tree and whilst believing he was going to die he etched some poignant words to his son, they published these words.

Now, on reading these words i couldn't for the life of me work out what the chopper pilots were. 'blind p*****'?

It was like Blankity Blank! It took me at least 4 attempts to work out.

Cheque book and pen anyone!