Oil on canvas

I am going to create a set of classic oil paintings.

Starting with The HeyWayne.

Next will come Monet's, The White Water Lilies.

This would invovle several Lilly Alan's sitting in a canoe on the pond of lilies

Then we will have Mona Lisa Mafia. Basically Mona Lisa, but with a massive bling 'M' around her neck.

With all of them i am going to get this lot to paint them for me.

If you can think of any more let me know.

Youth. Love them, don't hate them.

I went to Winchester this weekend to see my wonderful friend Barney.

As always we had a very lovely time taking in some of the arts and crafts in some of the local hostelries.

There was also a Morris Dancing convention taking place. What a lovely spectacle. 10's of bearded men and women jumping around with happy go lucky expressions.

I must say tho, I seemed to get a temporary bout of titinius. For at least 20 minutes after leaving them behind I still had a faint ringing in my ears. Beer soon quashed the symptoms.

Sorry, i am waffling.

It was this I wanted to talk about.


We went back into Winchester on Sunday for a spot of breakfast and found this.

You know, I think, just sometimes we should give our youths a bit more credit. If the mischief is good mischief, like this is, then more mischief please. Stop the pointless smashing and beating. Create!

Well done Winchesters youth, I am incredibly proud of you, whoever you are.

Get in cider and drink!

Please, listen, I have something to say!

I do realise that generally I talk an awful lot of nonsense, but please, stay seated and listen.

Last night, last night, I found something incredibly special.

A one off.

An original.

A something so special that that something should be bottled, with apples, and sugar.

For I found, A Cider Bar. I think.

A bar, pub, that serves no less than 13 different brews of fermented apple happiness.

We arrived, if I remember correctly, and drank some cider, 7.3%? Perhaps.

We drank some more. Perry? Pair cider? Maybe.

We then started to chat to the manager........I think.

He then, I’m sure, gave us a sample of each of the ciders, I think. Jake? I'm sure that was his name. Jade? No, girls name, he was a boy, yes, a boy, sure he was.

It was a delight. He feed us each one and you could properly tell the difference, couldn't you? I think so?.

Anyway, i'm pretty certain it was just off Great Titchfiled Street. Somewhere around there. The Green Man! Was the pub, I don't think I was that far gone.

Please, make your way there. I'll come. Drink cider. Chat to Jake? Probably.

All footballers aren't evil.

The football league is over, done, finished, well almost.

Some players will stay in their over paid jobs and some will move on to pastures new.

One of those players that is moving on is Olof Mellberg from Aston The Villa. He has been at The Villa for some time and is now moving over to Italy to play football.

The Villa played West Ham on the weekend, away, and as a gesture of good will to all the travelling fans, he gave them all a replica shirt. All 3,200 of them. Ok, he gets paid well, but that is still an awful lot of money.

I wish more footballer players were like this, i really do.

Well done Olof, you are my favourite footballer, please stay, don't go.

O2 is poo!

Well, there I was, on the tube, and I happened upon this new campaign from O2 selling their new broadband service.

It is so good it makes your house smile. How terribly sweet indeed.

I would like to think my house is smiling. Although I don't have O2 Broadband so I would imagine not, infact, I don't have broadband so my house must be very grumpy, perhaps this is why this lady was sad.

Anyway, sorry, I have wandered away from my point.

So, these happy houses, sitting in their summery scene of tranquil happiness.

Richard, did you say summery scene?

Yes, that is exactly what I said.

Summery scene.

So why Richard, are the fires roaring in these happy houses thus pumping smoke hearts out of the chimney?

You know what Richard, I believe that is down to sloppy creative.

It very much annoys me when things like this happen. It is the little details which make something brilliant, but on the flipside it is the little details that ruin something.

Smiling houses are bad enough, but smiling houses in the summer that so obviously have there fires burning are just a disgrace!

Perhaps O2 Broadband is so expensive that the ocupants of these houses have had to turn off the central heating and burn the furniture.

Step it up creative’s. Think about what you are doing as you are making my day to day life miserable.

Saddest thing ever.

I saw this on the train and really do believe it is the saddest person i have ever seen. And she was asleep, and being asleep generally makes one happy.

If this is you, please get in touch and let me know that you are all ok, i am a good listener.

Leake Street

I went down to Waterloo last night to see the graffiti work that has been done in Leake Street.

Banksy and 14 other graffiti artists created works in a tunnel normally not open to the public.

Have a look here at what i saw, and if you get the opportunity to go down there do as it is well worth a look and probably won't be there very long.

'What an awful lot of cock'

Wonderful.

Brilliant.

Penny, you have made me smile!

Fliss for President!

I have had a great idea for a site.

Basically it involves you casting films for current affairs.

The site would have the most current news story for you to read, then you get to choose your cast.

So, for example, who would you have playing Boris Johnson if a film was made called 'Race for London'? I had Ralph Fiennes or Boris Becker.

Another. That nasty bloke from Austria who locked up his kid. The one and only Jack Nicholson would surely be leading man in 'The Dungeon'.

Presidential Election? Felicity Kendal as Hillary Clinton. Barack Obama is a tough one. How about Will Smith? I can see the 2 faces now on the poster advertising 'Fight for the White House'.

On the site you would also get the opportunity to rate peoples choices. The most popular names then get put into the story and the language gets changed slightly to reflect a film synopsis.

www.goodnews.com will be coming soon.

Rather!

Happiness, happiness.

Saw this yesterday.

If you are suffering from a terrible bout of optimism you want to be booking yourself into this place.

Don't be a cynic, get up the clinic.

Snooker loopy nuts

If I mentioned Kirk Stevens and Bill Werbeniuk would you know what sport I am talking about?

No, not Kabaddi.

No, not Squirrel Fishing.

Yes, that's right, Snooker.

So, perhaps as you know that Kirk and Bill were Snookers you might well have been watching the Snooker World Championship last night. Ronnie 'The Rocket' O'sullivanwas playing Ali 'The Lamb's Lettuce’ Carter.

Ronnie ended up winning, but it was what happened before they started the evening session that made the event far more fun.

We had a stripper.

A bloke in a suit made his way to the table looking very official.

Then, in a second he had ripped the suit off 'Status Quo at the Brits' style.

He then ran around a bit, scrambled under the table for a bit and then was man handled by the security.

Anyway, luckily you didn't see much cue action as they turned the camera on Dennis Taylor in the commentary room.

WT, Willy Thorne to his non-friends, was trying not to laugh, I really wanted him to deliver a 'balls out of the pockets' gag, but he didn't.

Well done Snooker.

Brilliant Snooker.

It's not you!

I am sitting here in Stratford Upon Avon watching Jeremy Kyle and I have just seen TV magic.

They have a warring couple on and neither of them know if the child is his or not, so good old J. Kyle has got some DNA tests done for them.

And here is the magic.

On delivering the results of the DNA test Jeremey pauses just like they do on Strickly Come Dancing, or Big Brother.

The DNA tests show that Glyn,.................................IS NOT the Father.

Well done ITV, tuning pregnancy and real personal issues into entertianmnet.