Thursday, October 30, 2008

Hol'land of the giants.


A giant Lego man has been washed up on the beach at Brighton.

Wonder if he fell off a big Lego boat, i do hope so!

That's it, all done.

Good morning future.

This is proper, right proper.

It is using your phone as an overlay to the world around you.



Point it at a poster and it can tell you more.

Point it at food on the shelf and it can tell you the calories inside or give you recipe ideas.

Point it at a CD and it can give you a discography of that artist.

The future is arriving, and i don't think it is Orange, it's like normal colours.

Thanks Rubbishcorp

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Ante Meridiem and Post Meridiem.


Why do digital watches and mobiles feel they have to tell you it is AM and PM?

Unless you live in a sealed room you can tell which 5.56 it is by the time of day, or indeed where you are and what you are doing.

If I am asleep at 5.56 I would know it is in the morning, AM.

If I am about to leave work, I would know it is the evening, PM.

If you are going to be using alarms and things then use the 24hr functionality, but watches, mobiles and computers, I am cleverer than you (that's debatable) and I don't need you to be telling me it is AM or PM.

Just back off.

P.S. Do you know why all watches are always 10 past 10 - or Argos o'clock as i call it, when displayed? It is becasue it looks like a smile. You can also use 10 to 2.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

The Darkside of Auntie!


Again, the Beeb are championing top choice TV.

The Dark Side of Fame with Piers Morgan last night chatted to Chanetelle Houghton, who shot to fame when she won Celebrity Big Brother in 2006. Apparently the exchange was poignant and a touching lesson about the pitfalls of fleeting fame.

Poignant you say? Did you see it? She started to cry a bit when she couldn't really work out the words that were supposed to be coming out of her mouth.

Infact, she probably thinks 'Poignant' are a finalist on X-Factor. A 3 piece brother and sister outfit from Leeds who do covers of Gene Pitney's classics.

I ask you, it really was awful. I am sure when he spoke to Tracey Emin and Jay Don it was rahter more interesting as they have lived lives full of good and bad stuff, but come on.....at least Jade Goody said 'ooh everybody can see my badly stuffed kebab' she deserves her millions.

Come on BBC, sort it out will you.

No time for suffering, oh no!


Good to see the London Lite, London's second worse free paper, being considerate to the feelings of others.

'Can you spot five differences in these pictures of singer Jennifer Hudson' they ask?

No no no, don't worry that 3 of her family members have just been murdered, no no no.

I guess this shows how on the pulse these pathetic papers are.

Idiots. Total idiots.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Tip of the day.


(Fig. A)

When standing at a busy bar trying to get the attention of the barwomen/man, always fold the note in half as seen in Fig. A and hold it out between thumb and index finger.

This makes you far more visable to the aforementioned barwomen/man and also makes you feel like a true high roller.

Try this technique next time you are in a busy bar, it really works.

Oh, I should probably mention there is one awful bi-product.

To most of the other people around you you will appear like a total cock, but i think that is a small price to pay.

How much?

I have just seen this...

In case you can't see that is Moira Stuart sitting happily in the 'O' of Oct.

Now, 3 things;

1. What is the relevance between Moira and Paper Tax Returns?
2. How more effective was the ad because of Moira's inclusion? (i paid more attention)
3. Who is the cheapest celeb, news reader, pointless idiot, and what is the minimum you could pay to have them appear in your ad?

'Moria, we have had a call from HM Revenue and Customs and they are willing to give you 20 quids worth of Marks vouchers for you to appear in a couple of ads, it looks like an awesome opportunity'

'Where do i sign?' (said in that awful mono-tone style that only Moira can do)

Terrorism for Beginners.


I stumbled upon this on Saturday whilst wandering the streets of Winchester, luckily it didn't go off.

I wonder if you can get them on Amazon?

People who bought this also purchased 10Kgs of Semtex.

Lost and Found.

I went to Winchester this weekend to see my dear dear dear friend Barney.

We went into Winchester on Saturday and drank some things and ate some things, which was lovely and things.

On walking to a place to drink some things we stumbled on this shop.



The shop windows were covered in little plastic bags. In each bag was something that had been found in the streets and lanes of Winchester, then on the other window there was a map showing the locations where the things were found.



It really was very lovely indeed.

It was a bit like a real website.

Well done whoever did it.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Tiger v Jesus.


Only just seen this. (First seen on lovely Hurstys site)

Brilliant.

A chap found a glitch in the game that allowed Tiger to walk on water.

EA obviously saw this, and acted upon it.

This is the future of communications!

This is how brands should be, having conversations.

And talking of Campaign Big Awards. A site i worked on got Silver!

'Is Silver all you've got Hale?'

I'm melting, i'm melting!


This is wonderful.

Known as Monumento Minimo, Brazilian artist Nele Azevedo makes 1000 of little ice people and sits them in city centres and just lets them melt away to nothing.

Very lovely, although rather sad at the same time as they just waste away, without a trace.

N-ice work mate, n-ice!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Ice ice baby!

A couple of weeks ago, dear friend Peter pointed out to me how good the captions in Shortlist magazine are.

So, here, i wish to again point out how good the captions in Shortlist magazine are.

Look how good the captions are in Shortlist magazine.



Thanks Shortlist and the people who work there.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Button it!


Tell me this. Why can't you un-press a floor button in a lift?

On several occasions recently i have got into the lift at work and pressed the 2 button rather than the 3 button.

You should simply be able to press the 2 button again and the light goes off meaning that the lift won't stop at floor 2.

Surely we can have buttons that do this?

Can't we?

Monday, October 20, 2008

Mobbing.


I have noticed a new phenomena. Mobbing! (mobile sobbing)

Because, obviously, we now all have mobile phones, i have noticed far more women, and sometimes men, crying on the street.

News that used to only be delivered in restaurants, pubs and at home, is know being delivered on the street, in front of everyone, over mobile phones.

You've lost your job!

You're dumped.

Your cat died.

I'm gay!

All of these sorts of things are being thrown at people in very public places, so, obviously you get to see the fallout.

I want to get some badges printed saying 'Here to help' 'I'm a shoulder' as it is really horrid having to wander past these poor people who are in distress.

Samaritans should have a raft of mobile operatives on the streets of the UK helping where they can.

They could have big Superman style S's on their chests.

Anyway, that's it, no more to read here......

......apart from this.

Where am i?

Several times over the last couple of months i have fallen asleep on the train, of course through being exhausted! It just so happened that on those two exhausted occasions i had been out and drunk 6 to 7 pints of lager, i love coincidence i really do.

Anyway, on both occasions of exhaustedness i have ended up having to get a taxi back home becasue i was fast asleep went i went past my station. On each of these ocassions i have had to fork out 20 and 30 pounds sterling to get home.

So, how happy am i to see this!



It's wonderful and i want to get me one. Imagine the money i could save!

Of course, just a little sign around my neck would do it, but do i really look like Paddington Bear, hmmmmmmmm? Do i?

Nice tune, nice things.


Minilogue - Animals from ljudbilden on Vimeo.

An amazing little animation from Kristofer Ström which he has called Animals.

Wonderful gorgeous things are rare and this should be enjoyed and then passed on for all to see.

Thanks Kris, I'm not cross, not cross at all.

Seen initially at Playfool.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Stop thief!


'Good morning Brands-R-Us'

'Hello, I'd like a new brand created for my new company. We are a betting shop called Jennings Bet'

'Certainly Sir, i am sure we can help, our prices start from around 50 grand'

'Ah, hmmmmm, I've got £15.47, no no (man rustles in pocket) £15.48.'

'Ah, Sir, for that you would probably be interested in our Copy and Paste Service?'

'What do i get for that?'

'Well, we simply copy the look of one of your neighbours and paste in on the front of your shop'

'Ah, wonderful, that sounds most excellent, i'll take one of those please'

Branding is well easy yeah......

Load of wrap!


Is the 'paper wrap' the most hideous form of marketing ever??

I used to like reading Sport, the free sports paper thing that you get free on a Friday.

Admittedly, my fallout with football has meant that i don't always rush to pick it up as i approach Surbiton, 'London's most famous landmark' every Friday morning.

But, if they are going to let brands do this, i think i am over it, Sport, you are out of my life.

Please please please, if you feel the same way, let me know. I want to put a stop to the 'paper wrap'.

Media companies who allow this, you are scum, just looking for opportunities to make more and more money.

Take you money, make a boat, and sail into the sunset, fools!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Winter please!



Let it snow let it snow let it snow!

Big hills with white stuff on anyone?

That's grand that.

Amazing piece of work.

Leave £100,000 unattended and see what people do.



I would have got the hammer out right early.

First seen on Coops blog.

Well done Coops, well done clever people.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Massive case of Thrush?


It happened again!

Yesterday, under a tree, Ulrika got bombed by a bird with big issues, infact, they were massive nutty issues.

So, once more, i move my car, no poo on the road, this morning, a car parked in exactly the same place, no nutty mess on his car.

Why me!?

What have i done!?

I feel alone......

Monday, October 13, 2008

Hacienda the road.


Dear reader,

Go home, take 399 pence out of your piggy bank and go to your local Somerfield and buy this.

399 pennies!!

That isn't allot of pennies for something very special, in fact for 45 tracks that is 8 pennies per track, which i 2p a minute.


Your sincerely,


Richard Halecienda

Coining it in!


The second new coin has arrived in my pocket.

I was up visiting darling Dean and darling Jo all weekend in Peebles. We had a simply wonderful time.

On my return i quickly stopped at M&S to get some tea and almost handed this beauty over after purchasing a plastic bag for 5p.

Anyway, i didn't, and here she is, added to the collection.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Shortlist is good.


My dear dear friend Peter pointed out to me how very very good the captions are in Shortlist magazine, and i would tend to agree with Peter, they are indeed very very good.

Have a go, one or two might make you laugh, oh and sorry if you don't live in Londoncaster, it's a free magazine that goes around.

Biggest regret ever?


I have never really had any hero's, Jim Kerr might have been one once, and Craig Campbell (look to the right of Gaz Top as he is reading the scores out, grey t-shirt, that's me that is) got close, but i have never really felt the need in later life.

One person however who i do admire is Simon Pegg.

I feel close to him, almost like a brother.

He's Gloucestershire.

I'm Gloucestershire.

He was born in 1970.

I was born in 1972.

He's is very funny.

I attempt to be very funny.

He is loaded.

I am loaded with pies.

He was born in Feb.

I was born in July.

You can see why i feel close to him.

So, when he rolls into the pub i was in, all i wanted to do was go and say hello.

I ready myself, 'I love your work Simon' 'I too was born in Gloucestershire' 'You are great' 'Can you touch me please'

Over and over in my head, my lines are prepared.

Slowly i boil it down to 'Simon, i loved you in that Buttercup ad' thinking he wouldn't have heard it before.

I slowly finish my pint, over and over 'Simon, dfrgsr tethfdb ewfwefe efwfwe' No no, concentrate......'Simon, i loved you in that Buttercup ad'....

Just as i build up the courage, he bolts! Goes! Leaves! Without knowing who i am! Without him knowing i care!

It was awful! The one moment i had to touch excellence. It was easy with Tim, why couldn't it have been that way with Si.

Never again will i get this chance. Ruined. Idiot Richard.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Little things please little minds


Slinkachu is the King of the little People, isn't he?

You must watch these, they are totally awesome!

P.S The bottom Slinkachu image is rubbish! I hope the King doesn't de-throne himself.

Game on!


I had an amazing idea for a first person shooter game.

I loved Ghost Recon, it was an ace game, but it was based in a place that i didn't recognise, somewhere dusty and hot.

I also very much enjoyed Rainbow 6, again, based in Vegas, so somewhere i didn't recognise.

Here's the thought.

A software house releases a game that is based in England.

It get better.

The software house 3D maps every town and city in England, enabling you to pick where you want to play.

The scenario is that a big nasty boss has shacked up somewhere 50 miles from your start point.

So, for example. The streets of England are being held to ransom by a bunch of nasty militia freedom fighters.

Your job is to street battle your way to the bosses headquarters where you must take him out.

So, my game would start in Surbiton, Londons trendiest suburb, where i would fire fight the baddies, blow up Ford Focus, hide in my local park, take out the curry house, my aim being to get to Brighton where i would attempt to kill the big ting.

Another one. I start in Cirencester. In my Mums house, then have to battle to Bristol to take out Mr Adolf, stopping off at a farm just outside Yate.

How good would that be? Taking out local buildings, hiding in night clubs you have been to. Each game would be unique and you could do awesome tie in's with local kebab houses!

Again, this is now copy write, but Codemasters, give me a call, i might be willing to chat.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Old Persons Home



This
is very very good indeed, at the Saatchi Gallery this week.

Action!

This is almost as good, but not quite.

Thanks Sun Yuan and Peng Yu, you are clever and have a good imagination, i like you for that.

When 2 become 1!


Well i never did.

Both The Sun and The Mirror take the same idea to talk about football rubbish.

The Sun, you are better than this.

Remember the good old days?

Monday, October 6, 2008

The Truth is always best.


I reckon we are getting close to a time where covers like this could actually run, indeed, perhaps it did.

I must admit i am not an Economist reader, i'm just not itellligant enough, so don't know if it did.

Did it?

All my love,

Richard

Friday, October 3, 2008

Burger King saves mans life!


Last night, it has been alleged, a double cheese, double bacon burger meal saved a mans life.

Hale, of Surbiton Surrey was overheard telling the Internet his story.

It was revealed that he went out on Thursday night and drank an awful lot of lager.

He then headed to Waterloo train station where he was seen picking up a BK double cheese double bacon burger with fries and a drink of Sprite, although originally he asked for 7up, forgetting that it wasn't 1992.

On waking this morning he felt totally fine, although of course slightly sleepy.

A statement was released from his spokesman saying.

'Hale believes that if it wasn't for the Burger King dirt he would be feeling an awful lot worse, he wishes to go on record saying that the Burger King saved his life'

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Shandy is good!

The above title is something i thought i would never ever admit, but, in this case, Shandy is indeed very good.

On good advice i have started reading the books of Darren Shan.

He writes books for young adults and i must say this is a genre i very much enjoy as i can't be arsed with big complex novels with small type and words over 4 syllables.

Anyway, I'll continue.

Yes, Darren Shan.

I started reading a series of books called The Demonata.

It is a series of 8 books written over the last 3 years plotting the lives of young warrior types as they fight and outwit nasty demon types in this world and the world that the nasty demons live in.

The books are ace. Really easy to read and you really do get dragged into them.

They are pretty horrific too.

If you have a 13 year old niece, son, daughter or nephew you don't really like, or has annoyed you recently, then buy them one of these books, they will right poo themselves.

Anyway, that will do.

Thanks Darren, you have totally got me reading again and for that i thank you.

You are a very nice man and i have a picture of you in a mirrored frame on my desk.

Oh, and when you have finished them, get on and read these, Bro-in-law bought me the first one ages ago, and i took them all, all 13!

Be gone.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Brian Eno? Intel Pentium jingle?

So, i have just been told that Brian Eno wrote the Intel Pentium jingle!

He didn't!

But, he did create the original start up sound for Windows 95, so that's good.

Anyway, whilst researching i found this.

I know it is an over used term, but i honestly think this is a case of someone with to much time on their hands, or even to much time at their fingers tips.

I can imagine his parents are wondering whether he will ever get a girlfriend, poor things.

Phew wee!

Coin update


Just wanting to let you know that i am still searching for the new money.

The 5p is the only coin i own at the moment.

However, i have seen the 1p.

Ben at work had one in his hand, i saw it, he even offered it to me, but i turned him down.

Let's hope for more success soon.